I was excited to see that the prompt for this seasonās submissions was āwell-being,ā because I felt like I had things to say about this topic. But it didnāt take much preliminary writing to see a pattern of thought emerge which was far more concerned with the idea of improving oneās self rather than finding wellness for the self. This conflation didnāt surprise me. On the contrary, it was familiar to me ā a place I had operated from for a long time. How can I get higher grades, how can I be healthier, how can I know and do more, etc. But Iāve come to learn that itās a troubling thing to confuse wellness with improvement ā and in the end, this belief sets you on a path that canāt earnestly lead you to either.
As soon as we make improving ourselves our sole priority, we begin to operate off the logical basis that weāre ānot there yet.ā And while self-improvement can be a healthy and realistic space to motivate certain goals, itās also a deeply fraught place to seek wellness. Sure, we all need things to strive for ā that is certainly a part a full life of wellness. But when you live in the space of ānot there yetā it can start to sound an awful lot like ānot good enough yet.ā
Soon, this habit of confusing the two in my pursuits became a sure way of limiting the self, when I was trying to nourishing it! And while itās true that I couldnāt really imagine my life (or myself) without the idea of āself-improvement,ā it can never be the foundation for being āwell.ā
The true backbone of wellness, in my opinion, is acceptance; the practicing of persistent awareness and acceptance of the self as is, in any moment. Because we canāt become any more than we are if we arenāt already enough.
So, I did get a C on a paper last semester, and no ā that friend didnāt keep my confidence, and yes this eternal winter does have me so far in my feelings that my hopes of seeing daylight again are waning. But really, all of that is okay. As it turns out: a C, one less friend, and overcast skies are enough ā and itās up to me to say so. So hereās what I pose to you: surrender as far as you can into acceptance (and maybe a little ways into vulnerability, too), and see if wellness doesnāt surface. In fact, see if all things in your life, including your goals of self-improvement arenāt made the better because of it.
Wishing you wellness.
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